Answering some big life questions

Two friends and I recently started a new project called The People of Barrie. We’ve spent the past four months asking, what we call “big life” questions, to people who live, work or play in the Greater Barrie Area (GBA). It’s been an absolute joyous project and we’ve met some wonderful people and been amazed by the poignant answers we’ve received from them, in addition to their willingness to share at such an intimate level. 

You can check out our website at www.peopleofbarrie.comwww.peopleofbarrie.com and read a great story about the project here. It is an absolute honour to participate in this project with my partners Kristin Taylor and Scott Cooper. I am totally blessed.

We also have a Facebook page and like to post big questions for everyone to ponder. And while it's easy for us to ask others BIG questions, it’s certainly challenging to answer them when roles are reversed. One of our recent posts asked people to answer 26 ABC questions. In the spirit of fairness, here are my answers.

We would also love to know yours, so feel free to like us on Facebook and give us your answers.

• What Age do you feel inside? I believe our chronological age is just a number. I’m 53 and am always amazed by that number as I feel (and sometimes . . . no, probably always) act at least half that age. I’m forever 25.
• What's your Blind spot? Living in my head.
• What TV Character do you wish was real? Hank Moody.
•  What’s the most Daring thing you’ve ever done? These days I would have to say putting myself out there in the dating world. Scary shit but I’m doing it.
• What’s been the most Extraordinary experience of your life? Being with my father when he passed away. I feel truly blessed to have been able to share that journey with him. 
• What’s the most Fun you’ve ever had? My life is one big epic fun-filled experience. But, if I have to pick one, it’s being in the pit at a Springsteen show, sharing that communal joy in our special church.
• What was your most painful Goodbye? It would have to be losing my parents.
• What Historical event do you wish you’d been alive to witness? Either Woodstock or any Springsteen show during 1978.
• Where do you draw Inspiration from? My amazing friends, music, spiritual and mindfulness gurus, and my sister. 
• What did your first Job teach you? There can be honour in the monotonous.
• Who do you wish you Kissed but didn’t? There are some kisses I’d like to take back but no one I feel I missed out on. I’d just like to say that I’m looking forward to kissing the person to whom I am going to spend the rest of my life.
• What Lyrics sum up your life right now? Lyric: “I can't be right for somebody else
  If I'm not right for me. I gotta be free, I've gotta be free. Daring to try, to do it or die. I've gotta be me” 
• What Memory do you turn to in dark times? Any memory at my cottage on Paugh Lake. It’s my happy place.
• What’s the Nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I try to be happy and positive and hug my friends when I can. 
• What lost Opportunity do you wish you could go back and pursue? I believe we all end up where we’re supposed to be . . . maybe we take a squirrelly path to that destination but we end up there eventually. 
• What do you believe your life Purpose is? To create: music, words, joy, conversations.
• What’s a Question you’re always asked? Who’s older: you or your sister?
• What’s the biggest Realization you’ve had over the past year? Being my authentic self 100 percent of the time is the true path to happiness.
• Do you have any Secrets? I’m pretty much an open book … what do you want to know?
• What’s your main Talent? I’ve been told that I’m a rainmaker in that I make things happen. Is that a talent? Who knows! 
• Have you ever felt Unworthy? Probably in my younger years, but who hasn’t experienced moments of not feeling good enough? However, I now know that I am very worthy indeed. 
• What are your core Values? Kindness, authenticity, creativity, gratitude, action and honesty.
• What do you Want right now that you can’t have? Clarity.
• If your brain was X-rayed, what would we find weighing on your mind? How to ensure I spend every day doing what I am passionate about.
• When you were Younger, what did you want to be when you grew up? A writer or a musician. See, squirrelly path but we eventually get there!
• What fills you with Zeal? Love, music, spending time at my cottage, hanging with my friends and like-minded individuals.

The soundtrack to my life

I’ve put a lot of thought into what I would consider the soundtrack to my life.

And no – it’s not a list of Springsteen songs.

These are songs I can attribute to a certain moment in my life. They conjure up a specific memory, date-stamping it forever in my mind.

They’re not what I would specifically describe as favourite songs, but they all have special meaning to me. Some are a little cheesy. Some will seem obvious. Some, you might just say, “what the . . .”

The journey starts in my childhood bedroom. It was being renovated, oh, let’s say the year was 1972.  It was totally empty, save for the newly installed (and super cool) orange shag carpet.

I lied. For some reason there was also a ladder in the room. My sister and I would bring in our turntable and one of those big square flashlights, put it on the ladder’s top step (with only the red light blinking on and off) and play our K-tel albums at full blast in our “disco.”

There were many gems danced to back in those disco days (and we had several K-tel albums), but one of the songs that truly takes me back to that particular time was “Knock Three Times” by Dawn.

My early teen years were filled with a myriad of ‘70s hits and many remain on my iPod today. It’s difficult to pick one song from that time, so I’ll have to go with a couple. A Foot in Coldwater’s “Brandy” is still one of my favourite songs today and takes me back to my grade 7 dances.

Now Englebert Humperdink’s “The Last Waltz,” also takes me back to grade 7; not to our school dances but rather to the parties we used to have. No mom; there won’t be any boys. We loved the song mainly because it was the longest slow song we could find. I can vividly recall the scratchy record and Eng’s smooth voice as I clung to some boy (who shall remain nameless) in Laure Davis’s darkened livingroom. It was magical.

On my 13^th birthday in 1975, I received two albums: Alice Cooper’s Welcome To My Nightmare from my older brother, and Barry Manilow II from my parents. Thus began my first musical obsession and my lifelong love affair with Barry Manilow.

 Yes, I’m a self-confessed Fanilow. I know, it could have gone either way – Alice or Barry – but I am a piano player and Barry’s songs captivated me. So, we’ll throw “Mandy” onto the soundtrack as well as “Welcome To My Nightmare.”

High school brought a mixed bag of music.

I was in stage band and exposed to jazz for the first time. I had my first serious boyfriend, so there are songs associated with him. And, I discovered Bruce in my senior year.

Let’s start with the jazz. If I had to truthfully answer the question, “What song evokes the strongest memory for me” I would have to answer John Coltrane’s “Alabama.”

I remember sitting in the music classroom hearing that song for the first time. From the opening minor piano chord and John’s first few notes on tenor saxophone, I was transfixed. And I wasn’t even a sax player . . . I played trumpet at the time.

Written in response to the Ku Klux Klan’s 1963 bombing of the 16^th Street Baptist Church that killed four young girls, the song stirs something deep within my soul. It’s not an easy piece to listen to – especially if you’re not a fan of John’s style of jazz. The song fluctuates from the slow, breathy sound of accented sax notes and rolling drum fills evoking an incredible sadness, to this jarringly shrill sax that screams with anger. <sigh>

Steve, my high school boyfriend was 6'6" and a basketball player. I'm only 5'2" so slow dancing was always an interesting process but somehow, we managed to get along okay. His nickname back then was Dr. A – named for Julius Erving (Dr. J), the Philadelphia 76er great. So, it just stood to reason that our song should be Robert Palmer's Bad Case of Loving You (Doctor, Doctor)." I think of him fondly when I hear that song. Last summer, we saw each other for the first time in many years at a Bill Maher concert at Casino Rama. I got to meet his lovely wife Mandy. Always the romantic, the next day on Facebook, Steve posted that he introduced his first love to his last love. A very poetic thought.

I can't recall a single party in Grade 13 that wasn't infused with the copious playing of Bruce Springsteen's The River. There were several songs from that double album that we loved, but it's "Cadillac Ranch" that seems to strike a chord for that particular year. Of course, I went back and explored Bruce's earlier stuff and continue to be a huge fan to this day.

College was a mishmash of strange '80s songs like Wang Chung's "Dance Hall Girls," "Stray Cat Strut" by The Stray Cats, and of course, more Bruce. But the one song that really takes me back to that time in my life is "Mirror In the Bathroom" by The English Beat. Great song.

The next decade saw me embrace bluegrass, folk and country, and while I have fond memories of attending the Palmer Rapids Bluegrass Festival every summer, no one song seems to pop out. And I realize this post is getting quite long, so it's not a bad idea to move along.

1992 was a big year for me. I moved out of my parent's house and left my small town for a new job in the big city of Barrie. New beginnings in a number of important ways. I always associate Tom Petty's "Free Falling" with this move as I remember hearing it on the radio as I travelled through Algonquin Park to my new life, and it somehow felt appropriate. 

It's been 23 years since I made the move to Barrie and there have been a ton of songs that span that time period but I really can't think of one song that speaks to this era as there have been some great memories. I recall my friend Kimberly and I travelling through the night, trying to find a hotel after seeing Bruce in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Yes, we drove 10 hours for a concert without booking a hotel room. Was it the smartest thing we've ever done? Probably not . . . but it was totally worth it! Our mantra that evening was, "show a little faith, there's magic in the night," a line from Bruce's "Thunder Road."  And, we eventually did get a room – the last one available in an Econo Lodge in Shamokin Dam, almost two hours away from Hershey.

And, it's one of Bruce's songs that always reminds me of my mother, who passed away in 2008. His album Magic came out a few months before she died, but it wasn't until we were making the drive to Barry's Bay the day after she died, that I made a connection with "I'll Work For Your Love." The opening line is "Pour me a drink Theresa" and the song is filled with Catholic overtones. Her name was Teresa and she certainly was a loving woman and a devout Catholic. Thanks Bruce.

Now, the song that will always remind me of my dad? Well, that would be the Muppets' version of "Danny Boy." We watched a YouTube video of them performing the song on his final St. Patrick's Day in 2010, and it brought a much-needed laugh as we spent those final days in dad's hospital room.

Music has always played an important role in my life and many songs have inspired me, made me cry, laugh, deliriously happy and want to dance my face off. Music keeps me sane and feeds my soul and I look forward to adding several songs to my soundtrack.

Folk, jazz, bluegrass, country, smaltz and rock on my friends.

Online dating: the same as the old dating

People have been asking for an update on my online dating experience thus far. I usually tell them I'm still in the "gathering and research" phase. So far, no actual dating has occurred.

My initial observation is that online dating is quite similar to the old-fashioned, pre-Internet style of dating. Everyone you like doesn't like you and the ones who do like, poke, favourite and wink at you would never crack your top 100.

I have "absolutely no smokers" on my profile, so no, 61-year-old, daily smoking farmer from Elmvale, I don't want to meet you at Starbucks. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but I don't have patience for those who don't even read my profile.

And there seem to be many of those. Similar to the "Hello dear one. I'm a Nigerian prince with a bucket load of money to give you" emails, there is an online dating version of these phishing message. I receive awkwardly worded form letter type messages on a regular basis – especially on one particular dating site. Dating tip #1 for newbies: Don't respond to any people who have not included anything in their message indicating they have read your profile.

The other common "phishing" message comes from those who "only have a few hours left on their account" and know they have finally find their true love in you!

<Cough, bullshit, you trolling dink>

Another thing I find interesting are those who message you from another country. I'm not sure what their purpose is . . . or maybe I do, and just choose not respond. I did reply to a fellow from Milwaukee who had obviously read my profile and seemed interesting. I thanked him for his message and noted that I was looking for someone a bit closer geographically. I also asked, for curiosity sake, why he reached out to someone who lived quite a ways from him. He responded that if there is a connection, distance shouldn't matter.  It was a nice answer but I would hope I could find a connection with someone nearby before reaching out internationally.

Some of the dating sites want you to answer a myriad of questions in order to "match" you better. I've answered over 500 questions on one site that vary from "how many times a day do you brush your teeth" to "do you like being humiliated during sex?" Define humiliation? I'm out here in the online dating world, so I suppose I'm open to anything.

I've read some great profiles which have prompted me to tweak mine a bit. I've also joined another site which piqued my interest with its expanded orientation choices. I am now "heteroflexible." I must add that while it has widened the dating pool quite considerably with all these extra swimmers, it has made the gathering and research a bit more taxing. I am not a great decision-maker to begin with, so providing me with more choice makes my brain hurt.

But, it's a good hurt and I will continue on this adventure. 

And to all those who couldn't be bothered to respond to my cleverly crafted, fun and witty emails: it's your loss. You're the one missing out on something great . . . me.

Don't hate me because I'm not a fan of summer

Haters are gonna hate . . . so hate away. But me, I'm looking forward to fall.

It's not that I hate summer – or spring for that matter – I just can't take the hot temperatures anymore.  I'm a lady of a certain age, so maybe this will pass, but for now, summer is my least favourite season and I fear its impending arrival with each drop of sweat.

I'm an excellent sweat-er. One might even say I'm a a sweat over-achiever. Ask my friend Rich Bullis, guitarist for local band Fish Head. No one can crank up a sweat on the dance floor like I can and Rich has gotten a kick out of spotting my shiny little face in the audience on numerous occasions.

When I workout, I know there's at least one staff member with a hand hovering over the emergency defibrillator device, worried I may collapse one day on their watch. Not to worry little gym person, I'm okay, just sweaty. To me sweat is a sign you're getting your money's worth out of your workout.

Frankly, I don't understand how people can get through a spin class without sweating. It's not normal. Where does all that energy go? Your body needs an outlet. They're probably the ones who are going to pass out one day.  I picture all these feverish little sweat drops inside their bodies desperately trying to find a pore or any orifice to slip through. Digging away like tiny wrongfully convicted Shawshank Redemption prisoners trying to escape from hell. "Let us out dammit! We're not supposed to be in here!"

So, yes, the heat does not agree with me and I also prefer a nice, cool house as my friends will attest. They always know to bring a sweater when they visit as I keep the thermostat set fairly low. I am pretty much impervious to cooler temps. In fact, when the batteries in my thermostat died this winter, it took a few days for me to notice the furnace was not kicking on. I mean, it was a little chilly but I couldn't see my breath or anything . . .

And it's not just the heat that creates problems for me. I also have issues with the sun. That's right people, the sun. I'm slightly visually disabled (a topic for a future post) and I'm bothered by bright lights. Since the clouds of winter have finally lifted over the past weeks, I now have to contend with the glaring sun in my windshield on my drive home. I'm probably the only person who curses the sun, but I do. I probably need to invest in a better pair of sunglasses but is it too much to ask for a little cloud cover once in a while? Come on!

But, I will persevere and spend the next four months in a perpetual state of perspiration. My time will come. And as the last vestiges of summer slip away and fade into the glorious iridescence of fall, I will welcome my season with open arms and dry pits.

The beat of your heart

She said
I'd go anywhere with you
You're my favourite point of view
Any time of day

He said
When you're around I want to dance
Hold you close and take a chance
Never let you go

The beat of your heart
Sings me home
Away from the dark

He said
My favourite sound is when you smile
I love your funny sense of style
Your sunny joie de vivre

She said
Your taste in music is kinda sweet
I love the way you sing off-beat
I want to hum along

The beat of your heart
Sings me home
Away from the dark

Some day
We'll take our children to the park
 Push the swings 'till it gets dark
Watch the evening fade away

Back home
We'll hold hands 'till we're asleep
If we can't, then we'll count sheep
It'll be okay

The beat of your heart
Sings me home
Away from the dark

If you lived in my town

What would I do
If you lived in my town
Went to my school
Followed me all around
Showed up at my door
With your favourite guitar
Sang to me loud
Would I wonder what for

If you lived in my town
Could this be true?
Or am I dreaming
And is this cruel?
You don't live in my town
And we haven't met
You're a face on a page
Maybe my big regret

Because I wasn't brave
And I wasn't strong
Didn't know what to say
So, I wrote down this song
Here in my town
One night all alone
With my favourite guitar
A few words to atone

Words to impress
Or maybe cajole
To get you to stray
From away from your home
Oh, the fun we could have
The life we'd create
The things we could do
If you lived here too

Here in my town

Shopping for love

I've decided to dip a cyber toe into the online dating world. It's only been a week but I'm already exhausted by the process.

First you have to create a profile. If you're not accustomed to waxing poetic about yourself, this can be a daunting task. What to include. What not to include. You want to be as honest as you can without sounding pretentious, needy, high-maintenance or even worse, boring.

Next is the all-consuming challenge of finding a profile picture. I swear, it's almost as bad as trying on bathing  suits. Few seem to be a perfect fit. Again, it can be a tenuous, fine line between sexy, skanky, or even worse, boring. 

Not that I could ever be accused of any of those adjectives. Well, maybe there was a skanky period back in my 20s . . . but I've never claimed to be what one would term a "girly-girl." I is what I is.

I like hats. I prefer pants. I keep  my hair short and I rarely (if ever) wear make-up. I prefer people to see me as I am – no surprises. What you get in the evening will be the same in the morning. The hair will likely be a bit less than perfectly coiffed, but other than that . . . who am I kidding? The hair is never perfectly coiffed!

So, here I am – shopping for love. It seems a  bit unnatural, especially since I dislike shopping and do not profess to be very skilled at it. Many of my gender love shopping, but it's not my favouruite pastime. Plus, I usually only go shopping when I really need something, so I can tend to be impulsive.

My sister, she loves to shop. She visits clothing in the malls, biding her time until a favourite sweater or blouse goes on sale. It's a game to her. Not me. I need running shoes stat, so I usually end up paying more than I should for them. I  need it. I want it. I'm buying it.

You can see how this may pose problems in the online dating world. 

So, I spend an hour every day or so, perusing through profiles, in the hopes of finding a profile or photo that's appealing. And, hoping that someone on the other side of a laptop finds my photo and profile appealing.

I'm lucky in that I have a great life – including a fun, interesting and varied social life. I don't really want to be spending my evenings (nor do I have a lot of spare time) bleary-eyed in front of a computer screen. But, it would be wonderful to meet someone with whom I would connect on a spiritual, intellectual and intimate level. I think everyone wants that in their life.

I should also add that connection for me is gender-neutral. I'm more about the person than whether they pee standing up or not.

So, I have included my profile below. I'm open to feedback, online dating advice, and even set-ups if you think you know someone in your circle who would be a good match for me.

Please read my profile. For those who know me fairly well, let me know if I've captured myself appropriately, I would hate to misrepresent who I am or even worse, come across as boring :)

PROFILE
I'm passionate about music and am an amateur singer/ songwriter in my spare time. I love live music, and if you're a Bruce Springsteen fan, you're golden in my books. I'm a bit culinary-challenged but if you love to cook, I'm an excellent sous chef. I love words and appreciate a witty sense of humour and a well-turned phrase. I'm an avid reader and enjoy writing.

I'm more spiritual than religious and definitely not Conservative in my politics. If Stephen Harper is your favourite politician, we likely will not see eye-to-eye on many issues. I love helping people and believe in giving back to my community.

My perfect day would involve sleeping in (waking up at my cottage), followed by reading, writing and maybe some meditation. An hour at the gym or on the golf course would be ideal but a walk or hike would be just as enjoyable. Capping the evening with a great meal out and live music would be perfect.

If your circle of friends are a reflection of who you are then I must be pretty fantastic. I am surrounded by a kind-hearted, warm, supportive and loving community of people I am proud to call my tribe! Some, I am proud to say have been with me since grade school. So, I guess you could add loyal and true to the list of my best qualities. I'm a pretty happy person with a positive outlook on life. I have a great circle of friends so my social life isn't lacking but I'd love to meet someone with similar interests to further enhance my life. And hopefully, I would enhance yours.

I like to travel but am more of a jump-in-the-car-road-trip kind of person than lie-on-the-beach-on-an-island kind of person. I love New York and would like to visit San Francisco, New Orleans, Vancouver, Africa and Nashville someday. I'd also like to go back to Ireland, and walk the Camino Trail. I should also disclose that I am lifelong Habs fan in the event that creates any issues for you :) 

I'm looking for someone who is kind, trustworthy, funny, financially stable, a good communicator and listener. You don't have to be fit and toned but I would prefer someone who lives a healthy lifestyle.